


washing their sins away by the river

by fishingrods



Category: Gintama
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Joui War, Manga Spoiler, platonic or romantic? your choice, river metaphor is kinda nonexistent but its there if you look carefully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25586365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishingrods/pseuds/fishingrods
Summary: All they do is walk forward, knowing fully well that nothing will ever go back to the way it was. Their paths are diverging at this very moment even when they’re looking at the same sky, walking on the same road.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki & Takasugi Shinsuke, Sakata Gintoki/Takasugi Shinsuke
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	washing their sins away by the river

**Author's Note:**

> this work highkey sucks im sorry i put very little effort in this. im currently writing a ginzura fic but i hit a dead end and i wanna refresh my brain by writing something else so here you go.

All the screaming, all the desperation, disappears into the thin air, uncared and undeservingly. Chasing after the demon that holds the sword that is dripping with the blood of their saviour, he screams.

It takes only a second for them to realise they have lost an irreplaceable person in their lives. It takes only a few steps away for him to get to Gintoki for him to gain a hole in his eye. And he wants to laugh. He wants to laugh and cry and scream until his throat goes dry and sick because he doesn’t know what to do.

And so, they’re lost.

And so, the beast inside him howls desperately, cursing the world for doing this to him. To them.

What are they actually doing here? Is this a place for kids to go to? Because despite the things they’ve done, the things they’ve seen, Takasugi knows that they’re still teenagers. They’re just teenagers. They’re just trying to gain the thing they’ve lost at this place that is called a warzone, despite knowing that you will only lose more than you already have at this cursed land. They knew this. They’ve been warned and yet here they are, acting as if they haven’t expected this to happen.

Because they didn’t expect this to happen at all. Takasugi didn’t expect this to happen at all. It’s always like that. No matter what kind of warning you get, no matter how prepared you are, the world is still capable of surprising you by its unpredictability. 

They’ve lost and gained nothing except a hole in their heart and a living nightmare that they can never escape from. The crows sing, or the better word is probably screaming. Because the voices sound as if they’re mocking them. They have wasted all of their youths, standing in the battlefield among the corpses of their comrades and enemies, washing blood away at the nearest river as if they’re trying to be forgiven for all of the sins they have committed.

And so, standing close to the edge of the cliff, staring at the beheaded head that is placed so properly on a piece of clothing, as if it is a piece of ornament, they realised that all of the suffering they have faced was not worth it at all.

In the end, they’re too weak to even save the person they’re doing all of this for.

With their blood drying and their open wounds feeling like it’s numbing, all they do is stay there, cursing at the world and themselves.

On their way back, not once do any of them mention about stopping by the river.

All they do is walk forward, knowing fully well that nothing will ever go back to the way it was. Their paths are diverging at this very moment even when they’re looking at the same sky, walking on the same road.

They blame it on fate, on the cruelty that the world holds, on their own weakness and their heart bleeds in a way that nothing can ever cure it. The blood runs dry and the beating never stops but the pain is still there and it will stay there for decades of suffering and more.

One day, they will have a drink together, reminiscing the peaceful days they spent together at Shouka Sonjuku without having to feel their own veins and muscles tightening when they remember back about the war. And it will take decades of pointless feud, countless unforgivable mistakes and blood spilling on the ground for them to finally find peace.

It’ll probably even be too late by the time it happens. A man lying on the lap that belongs to a person he claims to hate so deeply, but they both understand each other so, so well it hurts. It’ll already be too late when both of them profess the indescribable feeling that is chained deep inside their body. One man faking a smile to grant the last wish the man lying on his lap has made as he watches the man slowly falling peacefully into a state of eternal slumber and he looks so, so peaceful, so, so beautiful it wretches his heart.

Gintoki will look up and see the sun rising from the horizon in the most beautiful yet melancholic manner ever while one of the most dearest people in his life is resting on his lap, eyes remain close despite a few of Gintoki’s tears dropping on the man’s face. He remembers watching a movie that mentioned the tears of a mermaid can bring someone back from the river of underworld and a part of him wishes he is a mermaid, but he’s not.

He’s not a mermaid and this is not a movie.

It’s all too late.

But, isn’t it better to be late than for it to never happen at all?

It’ll be fine. They’ll be fine. The brightening sky will get rid of the gloomy clouds and the tears he shed will soon disappear into nothingness. It’s always the darkest before dawn, after all.

And so, the river changes its tide, slowly and carefully.

**Author's Note:**

> i promise i write good fics aaaaaa this one is just a special case i guess. also its my first gintama fic so gimme a break smh.


End file.
